Quick note… Morning came late again today. Late shows two nights in a row. I loved the audiences so much that it made it bearable to be away from home. Being away from home has its guilt. While I mill around trying to make my time useful, my wife has no reprieve from a relentless parenting schedule. Yet I complain.
As I get older the morning takes longer. As I drink coffee and write this, I am late to get my day started. Tomorrow will be a travel day and I will be motivated by the forced early schedule. When I am home the next day I will continue to be propelled by the inertia. The trouble is balancing self discipline with self preservation. I need to rest sometimes. Zone out sometimes. Shower sometimes. Work out sometimes. When I am forced to do the things I must, I ride this inertia that carries me through the next few days and I am able to get all of it done. But when I have to decide which comes first I freeze.
We will never grow up. There is no crowning moment that exempts us from our previous failed behaviours. Our instinctive bad habits are dormant like a swarm of deafening cicadas waiting for the perfect set of circumstances to overwhelm us, stripping our better foliage and leaving us lounging on a beach drunk with unpaid bills in our man bags.
I will continue to fight off these insects for now so that I can continue to provide and create but know this! On occasion I will disappear into the swarm of cicadas, braving m,Alitalia guilt, and letting my man bag fill with debt as I swim in foreign oceans and indulge in sandy, sun born reflection, just to remind myself of why I appreciate self discipline. Then I will emerge a new man ready to do battle with lethargy and create at the highest level until the next biblical plague of laziness needs my attention.
Don’t tell my wife.